Don't Fake Being Perfect

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No one is perfect. No one has only good sides and no bad sides. No matter how innocent looking and soft minded a person is, s/he will have a poisonous side. And I think it's perfectly normal. It's what makes us human: our imperfections. It's great to aim at perfection. Trying to limit the damage your bad side causes. But the one thing you shouldn't do is to fake perfection. Never fake who you are not. Be you.


If you give the people I have had close dealings with, either as former colleagues at work or former classmates at school, a questionnaire asking them to write what they consider as the poisonous part of me, you will get one very clear answer: "Michael doesn't keep in touch."

In secondary school, university and at every place I have worked I have had very close friends. I bond with the few I connect with extremely well. But when I leave it all ends. I don't keep in touch. It has led to the death of several promising/potential relationships. It's my own biggest imperfection. I have tried to change it with little success. I have tried to fake being perfect, it was a hell of a work. I have prayed about it. I have thought hard and long about it. All I achieved was to discover how deeply rooted in it I am, that it's part of what makes me me. And that it's not with everyone I completely detach, amazingly, there have been a few people whom I have loosely kept in touch with.

I find it hard to get too attached to anything or anyone. And it's partly because I put my entire self into whatever I commit to. I envy people who are members of different social clubs or organizations and not get tied down by anyone. In 2011 I joined Toastmasters without any ambition, just wanted to be more social and outgoing. Now it's almost a part-time job. I have, without intending and even trying not to, become so entangled in the club administrative affairs that I even don't fix business dealings or Excel training on meeting days. I have been trying really hard to become less involved in the club, but somehow my nature of doing my best at whatever I do is causing me more troubles.

Even while at university, I was active at the university chapel. Took everything very seriously: from the Sunday school to vigil. In the beginning I looked like someone doing a silent campaign for church leadership roles but after a while it became obvious that it was who I was. I don't know how to do things half-halfheartedly. I either don't do a thing or I put my entire self into it. But then it makes me break off completely from whatever I am not actively doing. Since leaving the university I have not being in touch with the chapel and almost everyone I was very close to there.

Now I save myself unnecessary troubles. Rather than fake who I am not or kill myself trying to fix my imperfections, I simply try not to get involved in anything I don't want to put myself wholeheartedly into. And I don't try to fake keeping in touch, it's exhausting and not me. Life is more about discovering the real you and letting it shine through rather than defining who you should be and forcing yourself into a mould that is not meant for you.


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